RANDOM QUOTE OF THE MOMENT
fjyao: now i don`t need to boost my own ego by getting numbers and create expectations when there shouldn`t be
fjyao: i`m a saint jennie
fjyao: a saint!
- St. Frankie
DECISIONS DECISIONS...
that r kelly fiesta song is off the hook~ everyone should listen to it, jay z does the intro.
hmm, so every single day, i have to make a very important decision. what to have for lunch?
its so frustrating, i`d spend 2hours in contemplation and conversing w/my mind.
and usually, i end up famished by 2pm with all the thoughts
brain: what do you want to have for lunch?
me: what are the options?
brain: japanese or italian
me: how about italian?
brain: you`ve been eating that for the past 3days
me: i know, but i love that sicilian shrimp
brain: well you dont want to get sick of that
me: true, but if we eat sushi, we can`t stop by ben&jerry for the ice cream
brain: you eat ice cream everyday
me: hmm uni or pasta, uni or pasta, uni or pasta
brain: you are so indecisive
me: stop pressuring me
tummy: hey guys, i am starving here!!!
an update lunch: i finally picked sushi. see, i am not that predictable, keke though some might disagree.
...
i finally got to check out J`s new album, there`s like maybe one good song on it? she needs to add more flavor or change her style. chris recommended me to get st. lunatics (nelly`s crew) album - very smooth, besides all the cussing, i love most of the songs, especially "love you so", and "summer in the city". i`ve got such an electic taste in music keke :)
don`t you hate it when someone calls you up on the phone, and you chat for like almost 10mins and realizes you are talking to the wrong person? my old friend phil from brooklyn calls me up 3am last night and starts chatting it up w/me. and of course i was a lil out of it, and starts reminiscing w/him thinking he was my other friend phil from jersey. phil gets all confused and says "huh? i know i am a lil buzzed but what are you talking about? are you high?"
puhahahhaa thats when i realized i got him confused w/someone else. anyhow - all of a sudden phil puts his friend mike on the phone.
(a lil background on mike...
back in the days, mike threw the biggest parties in the NYC scene. i first got introduced to him through my college roommate amy at one of the mystique parties. strange how i can recall the trivial details. that night, he asked me if i wanted to play drinking games w/him, and teased me that i didn`t have a tolerance. and innocent me, i fell for his trap, and played the game. it was supposed tobe a long island, yet it tasted like pure alcohol. we played to see who can finish first, what was i think?!?
i took a huge gulp, closed my eyes, and drank the whole thing and felt nauseous.
i remember dancing with him, and somewhere in the night, he took me to one of the back rooms. the room was pitch dark, we didn`t turn on the light, he pushed me against the wall, whispered something into my ear and started kissing me. it was one of those long steaming kisses, but luckily i wasstill sober enough to have resisted him.
then i found out mike has a long-term gf named liz.
and liz was best friends w/my roommate amy.
i never told a soul about what happened that night.)
and now 5years later, mike is on the phone asking me out to dinner. i didn`t think he`d rememeber me, or my name, or that night.
he said he remembered all the pretty nice girls, and there weren`t many, andi was the only one from philly. all i could say was "uh huh~ once a player, always one". even over the phone he admitted how he played back in the days... how he let liz slipped out of his life, and how he made all the mistakes and whatnot. he`s 29 now and works for smith barneys. jokingly, i told him i am married, and have kids now. and he said "why didn`t you call me up to DJ at your wedding?"
i told him i work in the b2b field and he goes "does that stand for black to black?" lol
UGHHHHHHH
why are all these old ppl ressurecting into my life??? as curious as i am to see what he looks like now, i just don`t get involved w/guys who dated any of my friends. its like wearing 2nd hand clothes.
i have so many secrets, i only trust the stars w/them.
WHEN LIFE SURPRISES YOU
me: do you believe everything happens for a reason? the lil things and the big things and all the ppl you`ve encountered?
him: yes, of course
me: why do you think we met?
him: isn`t it obvious?
me: no.. tell me
him: you are my kindred spirit, i see myself in you, i came from the path you are taking, we can relate and share so many things are foreign to most ppl. we connected spiritually...
me: so you are telling me, that day you picked me up at borders was pre-arranged?
him: yes
me: and it was God`s plan for us to meet??
him: yes, and that you are hella cute
me: hella? since when do you speak cali terms?
me: so is that it?
him: hmmm, we wont know till the events have passed will we?
i dunno why he`s being so nice to me, after i rejected him 3times in dating him over the past year. i even made him cry once before he left for asia. i thought he was gonna say "yes, the reason why we met is because i had to learn a lesson.thelessonof protecting my heart from women like you". i honestly didn`t think he`d still be friends w/me... and stilltreat me so nice, still reads me poetry.maybe he has grown impervious to my rejections? anyhow - i really dun deserve it. life is pretty interesting, just when i think someone will say something terrible, they surprise you w/something incredibly sweet and you find yourself smiling and even waking up next day still smiling.
due to the redesign, i took all of my pix off the page. if you want to see them, just ask me.
now please read my poem, and lemmie know what you think :)
on one quiet summer weekend
the city welcomes a string of dotted silver threads dropping from heaven
such delicate creatures, only in a child`s wonderment does he question
"where do these beautiful jewels come from?"
they slip a gentle laughter and the whole city echoes...
"our home is the ocean, we came soaring w/the breeze.
our mother sent us to quench the need,
and we descend and embrace
the lilies, the trees, and even the great central park lawn
in a million special little ways.
when we cry the fields laugh,
when we humble ourselves the flowers rejoice.
we are the messenger of mercy,
we came to fulfill a need"
oh yes~ their soft delicate fingers,
gently caressing down the city`s windows,
reflecting such soft unspoken beauty
and though many can hear their voice,
only the sensitive can understand their words
quietly they sing..
"oh how we adore these earthlings~
some with their timidness, they hide from us under plastic shields
while the pure hearted embrace us, they reach out and try to touch us
joyfully dancing around us, and some even attempt to kiss us!"
and so you wonder, who are these lil magical beauties?
they are the sigh of the sea, the laugher of thefield, the tears of heaven.
they came with love, announced by thunder,
like a serendipity, theyquickly depart
leaving us with sweet comforting memories
and signing the guestbook of the sky, with a beautiful rainbow
how i lovethe rain~
I WAS WITH J LAST NIGHT...
me: do you believe everything happens for a reason? the lil things and the big things and all the ppl you`ve encountered?
him: yes, of course
me: why do you think we met?
him: isn`t it obvious?
me: no.. tell me
him: you are my kindred spirit, i see myself in you, i came from the path you are taking, we can relate and share so many things are foreign to most ppl. we connected spiritually...
me: so you are telling me, that day you picked me up at borders was pre-arranged?
him: yes
me: and it was God`s plan for us to meet??
him: yes, and that you are hella cute
me: hella? since when do you speak cali terms?
me: so is that it?
him: hmmm, we wont know till the events have passed will we?
i dunno why he`s being so nice to me, after i rejected him 3times in dating him over the past year. i even made him cry once before he left for asia. i thought he was gonna say "yes, the reason why we met is because i had to learn a lesson.the lesson of protecting my heart from women like you". i honestly didn`t think he`d still be friends w/me... and still treat me so nice, still reads me poetry. maybe he has grown impervious to my rejections? anyhow - i really dun deserve it. life is pretty interesting, just when i think someone will say something terrible, they surprise you w/something incredibly sweet and you find yourself smiling and even waking up next day still smiling.
i will never understand why ppl love HK fighting flicks. i mean, the plot is so generic, and the scenarios are contrived in a fantastically stupid way. there is no character development/depth whatsoever, some of the fighting scenes the hands are not even touching eachother, just a bunch of "eee-yah~" "ha" "choo-choo" soundedits. and the embedded romance are all cotton candy trash, such a waste of time and energy. unless of course its starring russel wong.. i`d watch anything russel wong is in. even if he`s acting gay and prancing around his living room in his boxers and absolutely doing nothing. kekekeke mmmm~
yeah yeah, i know what you guys are thinking. russel is all old and shabby now, but it doesn`t matter w/me. he is forever HOT HOT HOT. he could gain like 20lbs and still be yummi-licious~
and don`t tell me he`s old or is a jerk in person. he`s a celebrity, he can`t be nice to everybody. plus, who`s to say he won`t age gracefully, like sean connery ;)
did i mention Kim Gunmo`s 7th album is out? the ballads are so smooth. am currently listening to "why don`t you love me" remix. ahh this man makes me so damn happy!!! my ideal type of guy is someone who looks like Russel Wong, has the voice of Kim Gunmo, the humor of Chris Rock (or Chris Tucker), and the heart of Jesus Christ ;) kekekeke
am i asking too much? keke~
oh and some brains would help too... and he can`t be just only book smart. he hasto be experienced with LIFE, to be able to takeon all suffering and painwith open heart, to stand in the face of all aridity and disenchantment as perennial to grass.. oh i love ppl who can philosophize, whois well-read, and open-minded and humble enough to embrace all spectrums of knowledge and wisdom, who is always questing after the truth, someone`s life ambition is not aimed solely at making money... i`d like tomeet someone who has been betrayed, wounded, and stood in the endless rainsof disappointments yet still remained true to himself and did not lose heart nor grow cynical. of course this is very idealistic, and i know what you are thinking. jennie and her idealistic hubby will be eating idealisms for din din and have their electricity shut off. but thats quite alright w/me. i`d much rather be poor yet heart filled w/warmth in the company of the love of my life :) what can i say? i am an INFP, we are the 1% of the extinct species ;)
i like ppl who are passionate, genuine, exhibit an edge and a personality. preferably someone who loves snoopy as much as me, (so we can never run out of things to talk about and always analyze on the characters over ice cream). when i was in college, my #1 criteria in a guy is that he has to be a good dancer, i used to breakdance in college. and over the years, that standard kinda faded because it seems like all the good dancers have no ambitions whatsoever, so i compromised, i told myself a guy who has everything just doesn`t exisit... and so i digress.
hmmm, you know what i just realized? my ideal person described above is the exact duplicate of me. ack~ how scary is that? hmmm, okay okay, he doesn`t *have* to love snoopy.
SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN
i had the most pleasant 4th of july holiday. Instead of getting drunk, going clubbing, i was discussing poetry with an endearing friend of mine after a late night bbq. it was all so special, every time i learn something, i feel like my soul is revived and i get especially happy and riding on a natural high. PS. it wasn`t romanticor anything so get ur mind out of the gutter. my friend is like over 40years old. part of me avoided watching fireworks because i was afraid that if i did, my heart would be lonely and it would stir an ephemeral longing in me. hence, we turned down all the blinds hahahah :)
anyhow - my friend owns his owndesigning firm, very sucessful in life. has even met the dali lama.being in the company of someone like him, you can`t help but just wonder what don`t you excel at in life? so i asked him "what do you consider to be your life`s great tragic flaw?" (everyone has one) and he told me its something related to love, that he will never have the kind of passionate love he did when he was young.
THINGS MAKE YOU GO AWWW
"i`m tired of you gettin freaked or screwed by "supposed" guy friends, so thats why i promised myself that i would be your true friend." gil
MALE PMS
jimmy and i got into a fight tonight. actually, it was just him b!tching at me, while i grew silent. he says that i don`t care about him, no.. what he really said was i thinkhe doesn`tcarefor me. i was in such a happy mood tonight, and he just had to ruin it. i didn`t try to defend myself, for once i just allowed himmakeaccusations, no kiddin, i think some men have male PMS. he got upset at me because he couldn`t get a hold of me over the phone all week, and said there was one day he called every single hour. i mean, if it is *that* important, why couldn`t he just leave a message? he expects me to know its him frommy caller ID. man~ its not that i dont have time for him, perhaps we are just growing apart, and i find less commonalties w/him. oh and then, he got mad at me for laughing *at him*, but not at his jokes. ugh~ i was just feeling giggly, i can`t help it. when i get giggly, anything is laughable. anyhow - we`ve been friends for over5yearsnow and this isour first fight, iam not going to make the first move to reconcile. when did men become so sensitive?!?
TOP 12 DATING LESSONS I`VE LEARNED OVER THE PAST 10 MONTHS (REVISED)
12. the more you push them away, the more they want you (hypothesized, tested, proven)
11. cute guys are indeed airheads, its the balance of the equilibrium theory.. the cuter they are, the pea sizedof a brain they are composed. normal looking guys have normal brains ... intelligent guys are usually ugly (yes, there are exceptions, but the exceptions are either gay, freaks, carrying excessive emotional baggage, or live 10thousand miles away.)
10. stayaway from guyswho are obsessive over their weight (i.e. calculating calories and asking questions like"do you think i`m fat?" and such)
9. never play on the computer while talking to a guy (or iwould have to get the ultimatum of `its either me or your computer", i usually choose mycomputer and ruin the guy`s ego)
8. never write about a guy in my diary or i`ll get hell (unless i write something nice)
7. never stare into a guy`s eyes during dinner or he thinks im in love
6. never talk too much aboutthe `ex` (or the guy ends up encouraging meto give the ex a second chance)
5. don`t wear new shoes or i`m guaranteed to trip
4. never go to a club with a guy who doesnt know how to dance (is he dancing or ....? o m gosh i think he`s doing the runningman... and the jump n` jacks)
3. watch out for guys who claim they are christians while clueless to whoMoses is
2. try to only believe 80% of what guys tell you
1. never believe a guy when he expresses his love for sushi and ends up ordering chicken teriakye
EXTRA CREDIT LESSON
if the guy has fixated his eyes below my neck and touching himself then FORGET IT
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