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9:47 p.m. - 2001-09-12
AA journal backlog 4

"i asked my friend if he had a brain cuz usually super hot ones don`t. and she said I don`t know, I dont care, i just need to stare!" - may

is it me or doesn`t rain/hipstomp remind you of carrie from sex and the city??

ayu anyhows, as if i didnt talk about this enough, i am sweatin ayumi`s looks. she is short but maddd cute~~~ how can someone have such big eyes?? i really want to dye my hair like hers, but dunno if i could pull off that look.


what do you know... i learned my very first baseball terminology~~

the batting average is basically the percentage of how many hits a player gets versus the number of times he`s been up to bat. take for example, sammy sosa`s batting avg. this year is like .320, over the span of the season it`s 100/300.

.500 is scoring half, 50%. girls, if someone asks you how you did on your presentation pitch? and if it was 50/50, you can say "batting .500". hehe simple right? :)

ASK seweetee

"do you ever compare previous b/f`s with current guys that you go out with? just wondering if this is a guy thing or something people do in general regardless of gender. i was talking to a buddy of mine and he said he does the same thing. what`s up with that anyway? have we just not moved on after our break-ups?"

i think its natural for us to compare. i used to question like you, but then i realized... its because i loved my ex, and since i am dating, my subconscious is retracing to the last impression of love.

take for example you were shopping for a winter jacket. now when you try it on, you will most likely to compare the feel, comfort, style of the jacket to the last one you had... right?

its not because you still want the old jacket back, just that you had good memories w/the last one, and just so happened that you fell in love w/it.

i think this comparison pattern will continue on until you meet a new potential winter jacket at a store, and not only do you fall lustfully at it, but that you wear it for an entire winter and eventually finding yourself being attached to it, favoring it over your other jackets, and falling in love w/it.

hehe hope i didnt confuse you... of course love between human beings is a lot more complicated than shopping for jackets, but you get the pt.

inspired by pdokko oppa`s cell phone story

i am going goo goo gah gah over God_Diva`s baby. ahhhhhh the CUTEST thing alive! im so jealous, i want one!!!

has anyone noticed the various social/personality cliques in the AA community? let see, you have the diligent journal writers (who painstaking documents exorbitant details on what they had for dinner, how many times they`ve pee`ed in a day, explicit details of a good blowjob, etc) then the HS kiddies, (who likes to leave cut-and-paste messages in your guestbook with discordant clash of alphabets in the form of tAg mE, hIt mE, tiCKle mY g-SpOt) gotta love these kiddies, they work so hard to earn AA member points for the much esteemed prize ofa baby-tee in the mail. then there is drag racers, ravers, rollers, droppers, cynical mockers, oh and not to mention the AA_hotties.

did i forget anyone else? oh and there is the pseudo intellectual avant-garde/elitist snobs (whowrites a bunch of gibberish nonsense in a vain attempt to display the literatures they`ve read in college), the so-called online relationship experts, oh and my personal favorite... the strange phenomenon as the Hipstomp Groupies. (ah yes, young girls of all ages and ethnic backgrounds traveling to NYC to meet this mysterious heart-racing, deliriously funny writer behind the hit bi-weekly column `love inthe 10block radius`).

its quite humorous when youthink about it, kinda like HS lunchrooms... where did you fitin? who did you share your apples and peanut butter sandwiches with?

anyways i dont belong to any of the groups, maybe im just not popular enough. (pun very well intended).

can`t saythe same for Forever_MaY though, now that she has discovered her bike fetish, she is planning to organize a clique called AAducati`s in an attempt to pimp for bikers online. (only the finest for her taste) lolllllll

Brown Eyes - Bul Ssuh Il Nyun (Already One Year)

i finally saw the brown eyes video. (thanks rolex2000)

it reminds me of those sappy korean dramas. watching the love scenes stirred this ephemeral longing in me. i didnt understand the storyline, but left feeling confused ... nostalgic, but confused.

then a friend explained it for me. basically, its your typical love triangle - girl dating a boxer, boxer loses his championship, and girl falls for the opponent (played by the guy from Crouching Tigers). and so the former bf sings abouthowits been a year now, and he is still waiting for her.

it turns out, the 2 guys from browneyes never even appeared in the video. no one has ever seen them. isnt that weird? perhaps they super hideous, or that they want to maintain asense of mystery.

there is a proverbial sinking feeling in me. it`s almost become a habit now that i click into his page, and read his interesting stories... and everyday he would write something fresh, something lively, something poignant, that makes you think, laugh, and sometimes inspires toto write as well. and today, i clicked intohis page, and to my surprise, everything is deleted, except fora new entry. i could sense a bad taste, like the split second before you know you are going to be hitwith some darkominous news. i turned down the music, and as my eyesglided over the words, myheart became jittery.

hisraw emotions spilled across the page like a full wine glass being knocked over. full of anger w/a tinge of sadness, he recounted the experience of betrayal by an exgf andan exfriend. instead of crying, he attempted to release through writing, yet choked on his words. feeling exposed as if he was pimpin his naked emotions to a page online, he signed off w/a resignation to his audience.

funny thing is that, i could very well relate to the feeling - the morbid taste of betrayal. how your knees become weak and your body has no weight to sustain itself. when i get like that, i just want to evade from the world, i start questioning everything, and doubts overwhelm me. i won`t even pretend to know why do bad things happen to good ppl, like a mindless child, i`ve always believed that there a reason for everything, revealed or not.

iremember in one of his writings, he had concluded w/thought that whilst the world is in a state of oblivion, our sky is falling. i uttered those words outloud, thinking how can the sky be falling? isn`t God upholding it for the the good and the bad?

i think what he meant, was that the person within each and everyone of us, is falling short. there is something devastatingly tragic, vile, that is spreading within human hearts, obliterating our conscience, morals, virtues.. and rotting our soul.

he hadonce described himself as a rambunctious liar, but imo, he had the courage to write from the heart, and he wrote about more truth than most ppl will ever dare to confront. perhaps this was the proper time as it was meant for him to find know? when our hearts have grown stronger, we can take on more burdens, more revelations, maybe there is a cosmic force that have drawn him to the exact same time and place for their paths to collide.its really none of my business to comment to this ill-reckoned event, and as a semi-stranger all i can do is sympathize. reading hisstory makes me really resent the world, to know ppl are cruel and are out there hurting eachother. the peril of promises i suppose.

life has always been a conundrum, hasn`t it? how much control do we really have? just when you think you`ve got it figured out, you are constantly being surprised. suprised by a kaleidoscope of emotions, carved by sorrow, filled by joy, and understood by time. sometimes i wonder, does a heart ever grow callous after many seasons of rains? or does the rain serve as a cleansing tool to purify the soul and strength the once fragile heart?

"Shifting Sands" Caedmons Call

Sometimes I believe all the lies

So I can do the things I should despise.

And everyday I am swayed

By whatever is on my mind.

I hear it all depends on my faith

So I`m feeling precarious

The only problem I have with these mysteries

Is they`re so mysterious.

And like a consumer I`ve been thinking

If I could just geta bitmore

More than my fifteen minutes of faith

Then i`d be secure

My faith is like shifting sand

Changed by every wave

I`ve begged you for some proof

For my Thomas eyes to see

But you know I`ve seen so much

And I explained it away

Waters rose as my doubts reigned

My sand-castle faith it slipped away

Found myself standing on your grace

It`d been there all the time


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